Cruel Justice
by Fatalonie-The Grinning God
Summary: L abuses his authority over Light. AU LxLight *Revised*
1. Chapter 1

They think he stands for justice, idiots.

He blindfolds me and helps me to my feet. So very gentle right now, I know it's only momentary though. I can hear metallic clacking of tumblers as he turns the key in the lock. Then he's gripping my arm and leading me out. I hiss in pain as my shoulder hits the bars of my cell on the way out. He grips my arm a little more tightly and I am silent. He finds humor in my pain, but soon enough I will find humor in his death. It's a few moments of silence before a cry of pain leaves me once more. My toes connect with a concrete step and I cannot stop the small whimpers that follow.

"Oh I'm sorry Light-kun," his smug voice fills me with hatred. "There's a step there." I tremble with my anger and he continues guiding me. This time he moves behind me and I can feel his breath on my neck. He grips my other arm and I am weary. But he only leads me through a doorway and I feel relief when he moves back to his position next to me. "More steps," he murmurs. And we begin out ascent. He does not feel it is necessary to let me know that we have come to the top stair and I stumble, falling too my knees. "Light-kun," he murmurs softly, "You are so clumsy." I grit my teeth but keep my silence lest he turn us around and put me back in my cell.

The carpet is soft and lush beneath my knees. Much better than the hard concrete of my cell. To think of how many things I would take for granted in my everyday life. This time he is more rough when helping me to my feet. He likes to see me humiliated. No, that is not right, he likes to see Kira humiliated and human. He moves behind me once more and for a moment I can feel his breath on my ear and it sends a chill up my spine, both fear and exhilaration. I move through one more doorway and the carpet turns to cold tiles, still more pleasant than concrete.

I jolt when I feel his hands on my ankles, I force myself to relax, he is only taking off the shackles around my ankles. I breath a sigh of relief as he slips off my blindfold, and I am briefly startled to see his black eyes so close to mine. He moves behind me and I shiver as he runs his hands from my shoulders down to my wrists bound behind my back.

"Now Light-kun," he says, his voice a ghost of whisper and his warm breath pleasantly caressing my ear. I hate the desire that courses through my veins. It's not me, I tell myself, it's simply my body. "I need you to be good. If you are not, then you will not get this chance again." My wrists are free and I breathe a grateful sigh of relief. I begin to move them to the front of my body and grunt softly as his hands grab my wrists, pulling my arms back to their previous position. "Say it Light-kun, tell me you will be good."

"I-I will be good." I hear a soft chuckle and he releases me. I stretch my arms and groan. It feels so good to move them again. I look at my surroundings and feel a flit of happiness run through me. It's a bathroom, shower included. I begin to pull off my shirt pausing when my midriff is revealed. I continue with the motion and then turn to him. "You are staying to watch me," it's not quite a question, not quite an observation either. He nods briskly, a sardonic smirk curving his lips. Of course he is. Can't let me out of his sight lest I kill again. I am conscious of his eyes on me as I slide my legs out of my pants. I glance back at him and my stomach feels like it's in knots. He is watching me with the strangest gleam in his eyes.

"Continue, Light-kun." I obey. I do not want to return to my cell as filthy as I left it all because I watched him too long. I think he enjoys this, having this power over me. I wonder at the human contact he has had. Wonder if he has ever been involved with anyone else and if this is why he enjoys controlling me so much. Or perhaps he is just a sadist. I turn the water on, check the temperature. It is hot, the way I like it. There is no curtain, no privacy. He will watch my every move.

I step into the shower and can't hold back a gasp of ecstasy as the hot water beats against my skin. It causes gooseflesh to rise all over my body. I brace myself on the wall with the shower head, giving myself a few moments to enjoy the heat. All too soon reality comes back to me and I remember that I need to shower. I do not know if I have a time limit and would like to be completely clean before we go back. I move quickly, soaping up a washcloth and begin with my arms, moving to my underarms and chest.

"Light-kun," his voice is sharp and cuts through the sound of pounding water. I look to him, feeling a light blush rise in my cheeks. He is watching me wash myself. "There is no hurry," he says to me, giving me an almost indulgent smile. "It is only you and me tonight, I have given everyone else the night off." I am surprised, why would he do such a thing. Why would everyone agree to take the night off? Unless… he is lying and actually gave himself the night off, but then he himself would be caught on the cameras. So he's not lying… Did he trick everyone into taking the night off?

The small smile has disappeared from his face and I realize that instead of looking grateful I am watching him with a very calculated look. I hadn't even realized that my expression had changed.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki. I am very grateful," I try my best to convey how honored I am by this great, if not strangely executed, act of kindness. His eyes study me for a long moment before he nods that he's heard my thanks. When I don't move he glances away, pretending to give me privacy, but I know, there's no way he'd truly discontinue surveying me.

I have to soap the washcloth again, all the suds having washed off while L and I were interacting. I take my time now washing my body, being to sure be especially thorough. I finish with my feet, that almost seemed stained black from the constant contact with the floor. When I am done I rinse out the cloth and hang it up. As I begin to look for shampoo I am suddenly shocked to see a pale hand in my vision. I give a shuddering breath as I realize that he's handing me the shampoo bottle. I begin the process of washing my hair and have to bite back a moan. It feels so good, the lather in my hair, my fingers scrubbing my scalp. I turn back to the spray and rinse out my hair. I give a soft sigh of bliss. Even in this Hell that I've willingly locked myself in this, almost insignificant, moment makes it bearable.

My bliss is suddenly cut short. There is a burning pain spreading across my scalp and I am suddenly looking up at the shower head. I have to catch my breath, and I realize it's because my chest was slammed into the cold shower tiles. There is a wet hip pushing into my lower back and one of my arms has once again been restrained behind my back. It takes my addled brain a moment to process what has happened.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing?" He makes a strange humming sound in his throat and pushes harder against me, causing the pain in my chest to grow. I do my best to keep silent now, obviously speaking has agitated him. The pain in my head is almost bearable when I arch my neck and back, but it causes my breathing to labor as it's hard to get air, and the little spray that Ryuzaki doesn't block isn't helping my condition. My brows knit together as the pain grows and he slackens his grip on my hair allowing me more room to breath. I gasp for air greedily.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Light-kun?" There's a cold sensation running down my spine and it takes me a minute to realize it is not a tactile. I am scared, very scared. He was not lying about having let everyone go, not if this is what his true intentions for tonight were. "You must realize that if you do not obey me, I will return you to your cell and whatever you tell them I will simply deny. Who would believe you, after all? You are the most believable to be Kira as it is now." And it is not fear that spreading through me now, it is sheer terror. I do not want to be here, but would I rather be in my cell?

Yes. But struggling right now would only lead to more pain. What will he do to me if I tell him I don't want any part of this? Will he simply throw me back into my cell? Or will he still go through with whatever he's planned.

"What happens if I say no?" I dare to question him. I cannot make this decision without knowing whether or not the outcome is the same. I hear a dark chuckle from him and he releases my hair to stroke gentle fingers down my neck.

"You are quick," he sounds pleased. "I will be gentle if you say yes," he places a soft kiss to the back of my neck. A shudder runs through me, both disgust and desire. "If you say no," he bites into my shoulder and I am surprised to the point of crying out, "I will do as I please."

"Yes, yes I will do as you want." The words have left me before I even have a chance to think it through. I grit my teeth and lower my gaze, trying to hide the varying emotions I feel from him. The strongest I feel is betrayal. Perhaps I don't have the right to feel this way since I do plan to kill him once the opportunity presents itself. Even so, I wouldn't have ever violated his trust in me like this.

His fingers trail down my spine and I can't help the sobs that rip from my chest.

"Light-kun," almost a reprimanding tone. And I jolt when I feel those fingers parting my cheeks. I close my eyes, eyelids in pain from how tightly I've shut them. He inserts them into me and it's uncomfortable. He begins to spread them and it becomes painful. "Admit that you are Kira and I will stop," and the comment jolts me into awareness. He is doing this to get a confession? No matter if I agree to go along with him or not he will cause me pain. And now it's anger that's making my fingers and toes itch.

He is still pinning my right arm behind my back, using it to pin me to the shower wall. I am at a disadvantage. I will have wait it out until he lets his guard down. But… how? He already knows that I don't want this to happen, that I fear it happening. Of course I refuse to confess, but… I also refuse to let this happen without at least trying to stop it. He may have caught me off guard before, but now I am thinking clearly.

And though I've decided what course of action to take, I can't help the gasps of pain that escape me. I just have to wait for something that I can use to my advantage. And thus my patience pays off. He leans away, the hand that was violating me (his left), reaching behind us. It's my move now, L. With my free left arm I pivot, nearly surprising myself when I don't slip on the wet shower floor, and use my left elbow to strike him in the stomach. He gasps painfully behind me, doubling over. I use this to my advantage and quickly step out of the shower.

I escape the bathroom only to end up in a bedroom. He really was planning to continue this until I confessed.

"Light-kun," how did he get behind my so quickly? I begin to turn around and suddenly pain blossoms, but I can't pinpoint it. I can't think…

"Light-kun, can you hear me?" Slowly my eyes open and I can see the ceiling. It's pale concrete. I am back in the cell. I give a quiet sigh, the few moments I did get out of here, the ones were I wasn't being violated at least, will tide me through until my plan goes into action. "Light-kun?" My brow narrows and I look to L, glaring at him, contenting myself with the knowledge that he will die soon enough. He sighs softly.

"I suppose this will hinder any chance we had of becoming friends."

"You think, Ryuzaki?" he scowls at me.

"No need to be so testy," he says back in a monotone. But I can tell from his voice and the way he doesn't quite meet my eyes he is regretful of his actions. It is no excuse, but… I know that once I lose my memory of the death note I will be inclined to forgive him. This could put a damper on my original plans if I become… attached to him. But once I remember again… will I be able to go through with it? Will I feel he deserves to suffer for what he has done to me after I have forgiven him?

I look back to him, he is sitting in that irritatingly queer way he always does. His black, soulless eyes looking at me, but not meeting mine. My upper lip twitches in anger and hatred. Yes… I decide, yes I will.

L,

you _will_die.

A/N: So... my love was playing Resident Evil while I was trying to figure out the end of this fic and it turned out differently than planned. But I think it suits their characters more this way actually. I'm on the fence about whether or not to write more to this story. Oh and I need a beta, so if your interested PM me and let me know. Thanks to everyone who reads this, hope you liked it! And if you didn't, well... too bad I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: As a precautionary, this story is based on and around the manga. The missing parts are filled in by the manga, not necessarily the anime. If you haven't read the manga, you may be a little lost and not understand their interactions fully. :3

Chapter 2

Over 50 days of confinement and now I am free. Freedom, it's not as sweet as I'd imagined it would be while bound and locked within that cell. The handcuff and chain gleam in the fluorescent lighting mocking me with my bittersweet freedom. A parody of freedom, being chained to him until _he_ deems me to be innocent. No matter that everyone else on this team already believes me to be innocent. I do my best not to look at him, not to acknowledge him unless he speaks to me directly. I loathe him.

And he knows it. He avoids speaking to me, looking at me, unless he has to. He focuses almost solely on his laptop, glancing up when someone on the team has something to say, but otherwise paying them no mind.

He was shocked when I told him I wouldn't use Misa's emotions to my advantage. As though he expected me to use her without regard for her emotions. How could he expect me to play with her like that? Pretend to love her when honestly I cannot bring myself to that.

He wanted me to be like him… It sends chills down my back and makes my stomach boil. I do my best not to think of it. I know the motivation behind the event that lead to my distrust of him. He was only trying to find Kira. I do my best to remain amiable, but it's not easy. Every time I see him it's as if I can feel his fingers snaking down my back.

I have done my best not to look, not to analyze, not to care. It takes a toll on me though, pretending it didn't happen. I know one day soon I'll have to come to terms with his actions and my feelings about it. After all I don't know how L plans for us to use the restroom or to sleep. Surely he doesn't expect us to shower together? More chills and that seething anger that's been slinking away just under the amiable smile I've been clinging to. I am sure my feelings spill through my eyes, but I can't seem to stop the indignation I feel every time I look at him.

The others have noticed. They are uncomfortable around us even as I do my best to remain genial. They can see the way we avoid eye contact, and speak to one another only on matters related to the case. They assume it is because of my confinement. I am fine with that assumption. If they knew the truth… I refuse to continue that thought. All this anxiety actually makes me long for Misa's perky attitude, though she is thoroughly annoying, her happiness is contagious and spreads like wildfire. Even those who do not want to feel better cannot deny afterwards to feel a sort of… cleansing. And now I wish to feel that, but I cannot bring myself to go to her. It would be selfish of me to use her that way.

"It's getting late, Ryuzaki," I look up at the sound of Matsuda's voice. I look to my computer and am surprised by the time. I glance at L, to see him nodding, deep in thought.

"Yes, I suppose it is," L agrees. My father stands, but doesn't leave.

"Perhaps I should stay," he says thoughtfully.

"There's no need," L says, almost callously. My father frowns and before he can speak I am.

"Yes Dad, there's really no reason for you to stay. I'll be okay." He frowns at me and hesitates a moment then nods briskly.

"Then I will see the both of you tomorrow."

oOoOo

The pitter-patter of water on the shower floor is soothing. It lulls me into a trance-like state. The geometric pattern of the shower curtain leaves my eyes unfocussed and me in a stupor. I am grateful for this, it's better than the nervousness I felt as we were walking into the bathroom. He seems to be making no plans to make me share the shower.

The water shuts off and I feel the haze of not-quite full thoughts begin to lift. A pale hand reaches out the side of the shower curtain, lands on a towel and pulls it inside. The shower curtain opens, he's wrapped the towel around his waist. His body is pale, as expected, and he is thin. There is little tone to his chest and abs, and I am surprised he is so thin considering how often I have seen him eat, today alone. His legs are another story altogether. His legs are sinewy and as he steps out of the shower I can see muscle shift under his ivory skin. I look back to his face and feel flush almost instantly. He's been watching me examine him.

"I will be right back to release you, Light-kun." He leaves the bathroom and I can hear the soft sounds of cloth rustling. When he returns the towel is over his head and he's completely dressed. I quirk an eyebrow, curious at the fact that he's put on the same clothes he was wearing before his shower. He kneels behind me and I feel a warmth spreading from the back of my neck. I am still nervous to be so close to him. The cuffs around my wrists release and I sigh in relief as I bring my hands around to the front of me and rubbing my wrists. I stand stretching my arms high above my head, all too aware of his presence.

"This could get irritating," I murmur. He nods in agreement. He sits on the closed toilet and I find it a strange sight. I realize after a few moments it's because he's sitting on it as most people sit on chairs. The bowl is too small for both his feet to fit on it and the bathroom is too small to bring in a chair. "Do you have to be here?" I question him.

"I cannot leave you," he says in his monotone again. I turn away him, allowing a sigh to work to leave me. Arguing won't do any good, this I already know. I am quick about my shower, not wanting to spend too much time naked and vulnerable around him.

When I am done with my shower he is there, handing me a towel. It's an awkward moment, the shower curtain half open, and him handing me a towel, though not meeting my eyes. I see his eyes momentarily sweep over me, then dart away, careful to keep his head turned away from my nakedness. I take the towel and close the curtain. He causes such strange feelings to flow through me.

First and foremost he makes me nervous. Once it was only his wide black eyes that unnerved me, but now I know how ruthless and conniving he can be when he wants, or thinks he needs, to be. I can see how he tries to compensate for his actions even if they could be justified, however immoral they may have been, it's my stunted pride that keeps me from accepting his silent apologies.

When I step out of the shower I am pleasantly surprised to find myself alone. I wonder briefly at my sudden isolation, but decide not to contemplate it too much. I appreciate the stillness. I wrap the towel around my waist and leave the bathroom. I make my way to the bedroom, a door I have yet to have opened.

The pit of my stomach drops at the sight that greets me. In the room there are two dressers, a television sitting on a small entertainment stand. And there in the middle of the room, like a bright red stain on white carpeting, is a large king-sized bed. I let out a shuddering breath as realization sweeps through me.

"Light-kun, I didn't think you would be done drying off so soon." He is behind me and I can't help the lip I such between my teeth. I gnaw it lightly for a moment before finding my bearings. Letting go of my lip I turn to face him. "Your father just dropped this off for you." It's then that I notice the suitcase in his hand. He lifts it for me to take and I do so. I place it on one of the dressers and open it. I can't help the small smile that curves my lips as I observe my clothes that have been impeccably folded and placed in the case. I find a pair of my pajamas, black, soft, and silky. I do my best to ignore that he's behind me and quickly dress. When I turn around he is there with the chain.

"Do we really have to sleep with it? Isn't it enough that we're sharing the same bed?"

"Until we move into the new headquarters it is required."

"What happens then?"

"There will be finger print and retina scanners, it will be much easier to simply lock you in the room with me until morning." A frown pulls at my lips. So it's only at night that I will be reminded that I truly am still a prisoner. I jump at the feeling of cool finger on my own. He pulls my hand up and then locks the cuff to my wrist.

"Aren't you afraid I will kill you, given the chance?" I question him and shake my wrist making the chain jingle. He smirks confidently, his eyes meeting mine, and I can hear that smugness in his voice again.

"You are too smart to try to kill me," and he is speaking the truth.

oOoOo

The sheets are soft between my clenched fingers. My fingers ache from my fists being clenched so tightly. I fight to keep from crying out by gritting my teeth. Every touch is a pleasant jolt. Warm fingers glide over my skin, pinching and stroking in all the right places. Gentle hands on my face, soft lips on mine. I shudder at the feeling of a warm, supple tongue stroking my own. The lips pull away and leave me gasping. My hands leave the sheets to tangle in long, soft locks. I open my eyes, not even aware they had closed. I look up into deep, obsidian eyes -

Suddenly I am awake. L's face is peaceful in sleep. He is curled up, facing me, his breathing shallow and even. I remember I fell asleep to the clicking of the keys of his laptop. I didn't actually think I'd see him sleeping. And seeing him like this arouses strange emotions in me. Anger of course, but it gets to be quite tiring being so angry, especially when it's toward the only other person I've ever met that can challenge me intellectually. It's a lot of work ignoring the most interesting person in the room. Then of course there's my bruised pride and even my ego. I had thought that he was actually attracted to me and wanted me, however fearful I was in the moment. I may have even… I don't want to continue on this train of thought, but am I really willing to lie to myself like this? Over and over I've fought this thought off, but it keeps coming back.

L sighs softly and I focus on him thinking he may be waking up. I am almost relieved, this will allow me the opportunity to think on something else. But he doesn't stir again. I am disappointed, and as I watch him slumber my thoughts being to wander. I wonder vaguely what attracts me to him.

I falter for a moment. Attraction? I'm not attracted to L… am I? I frown as I think this over, my eyes never leaving L's face. I had thought initially that L wanted _me_; not a confession. If he had continued with his plan, I'm sure my thoughts would be different were that the case. I bite my lip in confusion. I had been scared he was going to force me, but I can't deny the desire I feel now when he touches me. I… want him to some extent, and it had hurt and angered me when he demanded a confession. Had he gone through with his plan though, would I have been able to forgive him?

I blink and gasp startled. His eyes are open and watching me. When had he opened his eyes? I try to remember, but I can't. I try to think of something to say, because I feel awkward lying next to him staring into his eyes. I can think of nothing, and it seems he can't either. I don't know how long we lay there like that, lost in our own thoughts, all of mine relating back to him. I hardly notice my eyes becoming heavier. His eyes are getting closer to mine, but it's so hard to stay awake now that my mind has been running in circles for what seems like ages.

"Light-kun," his voice follows me into darkness.

When I awaken again it's five in the morning and he is sitting next to me on the bed, staring at the door across from the bed, deep in thought. I begin to sit up and he turns to look at me. Our eyes meet and I notice that my anger is ebbing, leaving behind uncertainty.

oOoOo

_After the first fight_

oOoOo

I decide that all of my anger has not vanished, as I nurse my bruised jaw. L sits across from me, icepack on his nose and cheek. We've been lost in thought for a while now. Over the last few days I think I've been getting better with him. We talk now, though it's not necessarily friendly chats, mostly business. Of course it could simply be I am giving into the fact that I have to be chained to him for an indiscriminate amount of time.

But today, today his confidence was just too much. To become unmotivated because I am not Kira. I find it hard to believe that he has never been wrong before. That only leads to more thoughts. Is he going to continue suspecting me because he wants me to be Kira? Or will he break past that now that he sees what he's been doing?

"That was exhilarating, don't you think?"

"What?" Did I hear him correctly?

"That was fun," he says again. I blink confused and amused, and laugh silently to myself, shaking my head at his absurdity. When I look back I notice him watching me with a strange look on his face. I frown slightly.

"What is it?" I question him. He watches me for a long moment, and I start to flush and look away uncomfortably. When he does speak again it isn't an answer to my question.

"I think we'd better get back. You want to clear your name, right Light-kun?"

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I sit at my computer, at a loss for what to do. Everything I've looked for has been a dead end. I decide to look up the latest obituaries and start from scratch again. Behind me I can hear the team going over what they already know, trying to find a pattern that could help discern who Kira is. L is at his computer, but I can clearly see he is not working. He is still in his slump and has been all day. Yesterday we got little done, the fight didn't help much. I watch as he slowly eats his cake, apparently lost in thought. I look back to my computer screen and begin to read, looking for causes of death. When nothing seems to stand out I find my own ambition waning.

I groan in frustration and rub my eyes, sore from the bright light of the screen. When I open them again the first thing that catches my attention is tray of sweets next to L. I purse my lips for a moment before submitting to my desire. I stand quickly and take a small saucer with a cream cake of some sort from the tray. I sit back down and ignore L's surprised face. I rarely eat sweets. Since there are no more available utensils I decide to use two fingers to scoop up a dollop of the creamy cake and bring the fingers to my mouth, sucking off the sugary treat. I close my eyes, savoring the sweetness. When I open my eyes I see L watching me, almost in disbelief, and I can't help but wonder if he's upset that I took his cake or simply astonished that I'm eating with my fingers. I do this a few more times before setting the plate down, leaving half the slice untouched. The sweetness is too much for me to bear.

"Ryuzaki," I keep my voice soft, not wanting to disturb the rest of the team. He looks at me slowly, apparently unable to keep his eyes off the cake. His eyes scour my face briefly before meeting my eyes. "I need to wash my hands." He nods, stands and we leave for the restroom. He closes the door behind us, watching me as I wash my hands.

"I wasn't lying you know," his voice catches me off guard.

"What?" I am drying off my hands. His clothes rustle softly as he moves closer to me.

"I was telling you the truth." I turn around to face him, surprised at how close he is to me. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. "When I said you were beautiful, I wasn't lying, Light-kun." I can't help it when my mouth falls open.

"I… uh…" my mouth snaps shut once I realize that I have nothing to say. I am at a loss, what am I supposed to say to that? Thank you? It crosses my mind that this could be a trap, he could be doing to me exactly what he wanted me to do to Misa. And I am at such a loss as to whether or not he is being truthful that I find myself withdrawing.

"Light-kun," it's a soft sigh, and I am surprised by the look on his face. His voice and face, he sounds dejected and frustrated… almost desperate. Desperate for me to believe him.

I try to quell my rising anger. I'm not sure if it's towards him because of his advances or myself for nearly falling for them. He steps closer and I move away, grunting in surprise when I feel the hard porcelain of the sink in my lower back.

"Still trying to get a confession?" I demand, eyes narrowing. I am growing tired of his games. His eyes widen and then narrow.

"I just told you I wasn't lying," he answers, sounding irritable. He moves closer still and our bodies are nearly touching. He puts both hands on either side of the sink, trapping me. I can feel his body heat permeating through my clothes.

"I don't believe you," and after the words come out I feel like a lion cub trying to roar. My nervousness overcoming my bite.

He chuckles, just loud enough for me to hear and he closes the distance between us, his lips warm and soft on mine. My entire body trembles, even my breaths. One of his hands leaves the sink and his arm snakes around my waist. I whimper against his mouth, and it's as if it that small sound breaks the spell. There's the same searing pain in my scalp again, as his hand buries into my hair. I gasp in pain and that seems to have been his plan because suddenly his tongue is plundering my mouth. It takes a long moment for my mind to work through the shock. When I realize that he's kissing me, and I'm kissing him back, I brace my hands against his chest. Before I can push he's moving one of his arms and pulling the chain so that my arm is forced behind my back.

"Ah," I cry out softly, but he shows no concern. Then I feel his hair against my cheek and a hot, soft mouth against my neck. He kisses and sucks his way down to where shoulder meets neck and sinks his teeth into my flesh. "Ahh!" it's painful and pleasurable at the same time, making my skin under his mouth tingle. Then his tongue and lips are soothing the spot and a haze is enveloping my brain. I can hardly think, this can't be good. "No, Ryuzaki, stop please." A sharp, annoyed exhale on my skin, but he releases me.

I stumble, disoriented at the sudden loss of balance and body warmth. He is watching me, stoic and unconcerned. But I can see his chest rise and fall as he pants. And though I do my best not to look, I can see his arousal tenting his loose pants. Then to my embarrassment I can feel my own.

"We need to get back to work," I mumble to myself more than to him. When we enter the room again I am unnerved by the looks I receive.

"Are you two alright? We heard someone yell," Mogi is watching us, brow furrowed and eyes suspicious. L is silent, only shrugging as he moves back to his seat.

"It was nothing," I supply for an answer, smiling cordially. I receive several dubious looks, but shrug them off and return to my seat and my work.

oOoOo

"Light-kun! Are you listening?"

"Yes, of course," I answer automatically, and that's all it takes to placate Misa. I've been doing my best to ignore L, sitting next to me in his peculiar way, eating cookies and making a mess; since he can't seem to simply put the whole cookie in his mouth, but must bite each one in half. And as Misa continues to prattle on I am consumed by my thoughts. Less than a week ago I had nearly hated L, and now…

Well honestly he still irritates me with all his idiosyncrasies. But it's not subtle desire masked in anger that I feel now. It's a full blown urge to let him devour me with his angry, violent passion. Conversely I feel shameful; shame at being attracted to him, to a man. Not even a particularly good looking man either. Not that he is ugly. Although if he were more handsome then at least I would have that excuse at my disposal. I've never found another male to be particularly appealing, but that simply lays it bare: I am indeed attracted to L, not his appearance...

"Don't you think Light-kun?" I catch the last of Misa's blather. I begin to agree, but stop short, could she have just been saying something completely ridiculous? Like wedding plans or something of the sort?

"Hm?" I settle on. I look away from the spot on the table that my eyes have been glued to, to her eyes. Her brows are narrowed and her lips are trembling in what seems to be a mixture of anger and sadness.

"You didn't hear a thing I said, did you Light-kun?" it seems she's settled dejection.

"Sorry," I mumble, and she watches me for a moment before she wipes away the tears of anger glistening on her lashes. Her feeling are quickly replaced by happiness and I can't help but think of how foolish she is.

"Maybe Ryuzaki could give Light-kun and Misa some time alone?" she's watching me with an almost carnal look. "We need to make up," she says, L hums in consideration and my eyes snap to him. I do my best to hide the incredulousness I feel. The last thing I need is to be left alone with Misa throwing herself at me.

"Actually," L's eyes are focused on a clock on the far wall. "I think it's about time we went back to work." I nod and take my queue from him, trying not to appear too eager to leave Misa's presence.

oOoOo

I wake up suddenly, gasping for air. I roll to my back and groan, disgruntled by the sticky slickness I feel in my pants.

"Is everything alright?" L's voice cuts through the fogginess of my brain. I lay unmoving at the sound of his voice. My dream comes back to me, and causes me to flush. "Light-kun?" he asks after a few moments of my silence.

"Uh... Yeah," I look at him and try to offer him a confident smile, "I'm fine. I just need to use the restroom." I sit up, staying still for another moment and we watch each other in silence. I clear my throat nervously and fight the blush I feel starting to paint my cheeks. "Could… could you not watch me for a moment?" He cocks his head slightly and then nods and averts his eyes to the television.

I move quickly, opening my dresser and retrieving a clean pair of pajama bottoms. I briskly stride to the bathroom; lamenting, not for the first time, its lack of a door. I silently begin the process of peeling off my pants, doing my best to keep from getting my fluids on anymore of my body. I turn on the hot water and let it heat while I retrieve my washcloth and then begin the task of cleansing myself.

I step into my clean pants and I am relieved to have avoided that awkward moment. The thought of L seeing me, pants soiled from my wet dream, causes a shiver to run up my spine. It's not necessarily an unpleasant thought. No doubt L would have thought he was the cause of my predicament. Cocky bastard. I can't help but think of our last kiss. Maybe it's his desire to control? It does feel nice to submit my pride and give into him.

I brace myself against the counter and look into the mirror that stretches its length. My face is flushed, my eyes half-lidded in desire. I watch as my cheeks turn even darker at the sight of myself. I drop my head, looking into the sink. How can I face anyone looking like this? I breathe deeply, trying to clear my mind and face. When I feel more relaxed I raise my head back to the mirror. Whatever ground I had gained in my internal fight is lost.

L is slouched in the doorway.

My blush returns full force and I can see a spark of curiosity in his normally stoic face.

"Thinking about your dream?" he questions, eyes moving to a spot on the floor. I turn to see what caught his attention and am mortified. I move quickly, snatching my pants from the floor and shoving them into the hamper.

I was wrong, it is an entirely unpleasant experience.

"Light-kun, it's completely normal." Right, right everyone goes through this. I leave the bathroom, not once looking in his direction.

"You know, Light-kun," I halt at the sound of his smug voice, dreading what he's about to say. "Considering your current attitude I have to say that I think your dream was about me."

"I'm just embarrassed you saw, that's all."

"Light-kun," he sounds amused, "if you're going to lie you have to at least try." I turn to him, my face fully set to deny that I was lying. Suddenly he is on me, one arm around my waist, his other hand buried in my hair. His lips are hot and soft and sweet. He nibbles on my lower lip, and my hands wind into his soft hair. He cups the back of my head and begins to kiss down my neck. I turn my head, giving him easier access and am rewarded with a sharp nip. And then he's not nipping down my neck, but biting, sucking, and licking. He begins to move forward and I oblige him backing up until the back of my legs hit the bed and we tumble onto it. His mouth is on me again, and his hands are grabbing fistfuls of my shirt and forcing the buttons, popping most of them from the shirt. I feel his lips on my collar bone and I hum in pleasure, grinding my hips against him. His hand moves between us and begins to tug at the waistband of my pants.

"No!" I am surprised by the shout and it takes me a moment to realize that he's stopped his movements. Then he has both hands on my waistband and he begins to pull them down. I panic.

"I said stop! I don't-I don't-"

"Light-kun," his voice is low and rough, "shut up and enjoy."

His hot mouth moves down my chest, biting and sucking his way to my navel. His tongue dips in and I cry out softly in surprise. His cool hand surrounds my hardness and I gasp. Suddenly his hot mouth is on my sac and I cry out, my hips jerking wildly.

"Ryuu…" I whimper and he disperses of my pants completely. His hand is sure and steady as it moves over me. His tongue agile as he continues to caress and tease me. His hot wet tongue moves up my sac to the base of my hardness then up to where my shaft meets my head and suddenly his mouth envelopes me. "Hah!" I jerk again and look down into his large, smoldering eyes. I can't watch him for long and I throw my head back to the bed thrusting into his hand and mouth uncontrollably.

He releases me suddenly, crawls up the bed and his mouth is on mine again. Long, slow movements of our lips and tongues together. His kiss makes me ache for more. His hand moves down between our bodies and it takes me a moment to realize he's discarding his own pants.

I feel his hardness press into my hip and my fingers clamber at his back, nails racking from his shoulder blades to the top of his shoulders. He hisses in my ear and thrusts against my body. I reach down between us, fingers encircling him clumsily. He bites me shoulder and pushes against me, his cock rubbing against mine, our bodies creating friction against one another.

He always tries to remain stoic, but now that we're like this... He groans thrusting against me. Shuddering as we reach our climax. He flops down next to me. The bed is large, but we intertwine our limbs regardless, fluids mixing together as we adjust ourselves. He moves closer, lips brushing my ear and sending another jolt of desire through me.

"I love the sounds you make," his sensual voice and hot breath causes my face to heat. "Hm," he examines my face, which only deepens my blush. "You are even more delectable when you blush like that." He leans in to kiss me, his arousal returning.

"Again?" I ask tiredly, when we break the kiss. He grins lasciviously at me and trails his fingers from my knee up to my inner thigh.

"Can Light-kun not keep up?" he questions me. His tone cocky and challenging.

"Of course I can," I retort back. His grin is still in place as he slides his fingers from my inner thigh over my buttock. I gasp when his fingers slides between them and trace my entrance with achingly slow circles. So much better than the first time he touched me there. For a moment fear races up my spine at the remembrance, but his sensual movements and hot mouth dispel it. I moan as he begins to apply pressure.

"The rules will change this time," he purrs in my ear, causing me to shiver, and his fingers begin to push into me. "Think you can still keep up?"

"Yes," I moan, bury my hands in his hair and pull his mouth to mine. "Devour me."


	4. Chapter 4

_/N: You know I've thought about the time line for this waaaayyyy_ too hard. I'm such a dork! =o/

Chapter 4

The computer screen is glued to the back of my eyelids. I lean back in my chair rubbing them tiredly. How late was I up last night?

"Are you alright Light-kun? You haven't been your self today," Matsuda's voice inquiries from behind me.

"Yes, Matsuda, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Maybe Ryuzaki will let you go to the room and sleep," he suggested turning his gaze to L.

"Don't be foolish Matsuda, Light Yagami is chained to me for a reason. You do remember what that reason is?" L doesn't even bother to look at him. I can see Matsuda clearly understands his mistake.

"Of course," he says, belittled into silence.

"Maybe I'll just stick to coffee," I say, trying to break the tension.

"Yes, that sounds fine," L agrees, and steps off of the chair to accompany me. As soon as the surveillance room door closes behind us I am captured by L's lean arms. "Ryuzaki!" my voice is low and terse, I don't want anyone inside to hear me. Sharp teeth on the base of my neck. "This isn't the time for that," I wrench myself from his grip, turning to face him with a glare. "What if someone comes out and sees us? You're group will lose its reputation?" He pulls on his lip with his index finger, gazing up in thought.

"I suppose it wouldn't be all bad. And if you aren't Kira then there's no harm." I frown at him.

"But I am still a suspect, you can't think that that will get you out of trouble."

"Honestly Light-kun, I don't care what anyone else thinks. True there is still a probability that you are Kira and Misa Amane is the second Kira. But the Kira we are currently chasing is not Light Yagami. You are not this Kira." I blink at him, astonished.

"So… You justify this with the fact that I am not the current Kira. And once we capture him… We'll just stop doing this until you can find some way to blame all the previous Kira deaths on me?" He pulls on his lip again, watching me with calculating eyes.

"Yes… yes I believe that is how it will happen." I am once again surprised to the point of horror. I look to the floor, hiding my face, and any feelings racing across it, from him. Is this all I'm worth? A small window of opportunity to be useful to L as sexual gratification, and then I'll be thrown away like trash. Obviously I made an important decision without all the information. Can I go back now? Will he let me? We silently make out way to kitchen. I prepare my coffee and lean against the counter sipping the hot liquid.

I glance up at him, he's sitting at the table. This is one of the few times he isn't eating anything, instead he is watching me. He is the predator, and I the prey. I have become an obsession. Since his theory was blown he has worked towards this. Is he really trying to get me to confess to him? Or has he shifted all his attention to me because the case has gone cold? And when we get a lead, then what will happen? Do I even care? I think on this for a long moment. Do I mind being a possession, being disposable? I stare into his eyes, mesmerized by them. His dark, intense eyes amplify my carnal desires and I find it hard to think. I begin to surmise… I quite like the feeling.

_oOoOo_

_8 days later_

oOoOo

We've found a trend in the murders and the share prices of Yotsuba. It was in the same day we found out that the police had yielded to Kira. I don't fight the wry smirk as I think about it. L had tried to get them to leave. Of course my father put up an outstanding argument, and L had been forced to relent. I could detect the subtle disappointment in his voice at that.

Then L had bated Aizawa-san. My guess being that he was trying to rile everyone up, to make them angry enough to not want to work with him anymore. Through this ordeal he had made it very clear that I would not be leaving. And that he still suspected me to be Kira. I'm not sure if he truly believes me to be a suspect, or if he just wants me to stay by his side. I glance at him, crouched on his chair, fingers racing over the keys, eyes consuming the information before him. I wonder vaguely if even he knows.

I turn back to my laptop, continuing with my work. I don't need to start daydreaming now. We're so close to finding Kira, and if the killings stop my name will be freed of suspicion. But that's not a particularly appealing thought either. I don't want L to leave, I enjoy his company. I mentally shake off the thoughts and do my best to concentrate on gathering more information.

"Man," Matsuda groans as he stretches, "It's going to be a long night."

"Oh… that reminds me," L says, "I would like for you all to take the night and tomorrow off."

"Ryuzaki, are you sure now is the best time for this? We've finally gotten a lead after all this time. Perhaps we should stay and work." L shakes his head and pivots his chair to face my father.

"That would be the appropriate course of action if we were working with the police and had an extensive task force. But seeing as it is only the five of us, I believe everyone could do with a good rest. When you get back we will be working around the clock to capture Kira." I feel my stomach knot at his words, but I force the feeling away. It is more important to catch Kira.

"Well, thank you Ryuzaki," my father nods his head in respect, "but I wouldn't feel right taking the day off when I know you and my son will be here working."

"Dad it's alright, really," I insist. I can tell by his expression that I have not convinced him. I glance at L before I speak again, hoping this is what he was going for. "Besides I'm sure Mom would like to have you home, it's been a long time since you've had a day off." His expression softens at the mention of mother, I know I've won. "Sayu will be happy to see you as well. And we'll take it easy tomorrow, right Ryuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun, I see no reason why we can't." My father finally nods, and begins to organize the papers he's been looking through, and saving the data he's acquired on his computer.

"Yes, I haven't been out in so long!" Matsuda's happiness is contagious, even Mogi-san's expression looks pleased. "What are you going to do Mogi-san?" Mogi is silent for a moment, thinking hard, before he shrugs. "We could do something together!" Matsuda exclaims.

"Alright," Mogi-san nods, "that sounds like it could be fun." Matsuda grins and quickly shuffles his paperwork together and shuts down his computer.

I watch as the task force dons their coats, fixes their clothing and heads to the door.

We follow them to the elevator. These will be our last couple days of sin, and then we will all be working nonstop until we have apprehended Kira. The current Kira, I correct myself. Then I will be thrown aside while L works towards finding the previous Kira, who he believes to be me. That will be the hardest part in all of this. We bid our final farewells, and I assure my father one final time that I will be fine. Then they're gone and it's only L and myself. We begin walking towards the common room.

"The day is fast approaching," L says softly. He doesn't need to explain further than that. I am surprised that he's said that much. I nod in response. "We will have to make the most of our time alone," he murmurs and I catch his eyes in a quick glance. I nod again, unable to find my voice in this matter. I know there is nothing I can say to sway his suspicions. The metal of the cuff bites into my wrist and I come to an abrupt stop, I hadn't realize he'd stopped walking. He's watching me curiously.

"What?" I question him. He rests his thumb between his lips.

"You don't want this to end," it's not a question. I am caught off guard by his words, I hadn't realized I was being so transparent. I clench my fist, frustrated that I've allowed myself to become so vulnerable and open around him.

"We have to catch Kira," my voice is stern. "He cannot be allowed to commit such crimes against humanity. I know this." I do my best to believe in my own words.

"Perhaps Light-kun can give up being Kira?" he questions. I grind my teeth in anger. So we're back to this again. This subject that always seems to leave me frustrated and aching.

"How many times do I have to say it," I do my best to mask my anger, but it seeps through despite my efforts. "I am not Kira."

"But you were. You may return to being Kira once we capture the current Kira," I know better than to throw a punch at him now. He can see my anger building and will be expecting it.

"I am not Kira! I never was! And even if I was I wouldn't risk what w-" I snap my mouth shut.

"You wouldn't risk what?" He begins to approach me, eyes wide, curious, and cautious. I remain silent. He reaches out and his cool fingers stroke my cheek. I force myself to remain unmoved. "You wouldn't risk this?" A soft sigh. "Light-kun, I already explained what this is." I nod, chin high, but not meeting his eyes.

"I know…" but it perturbs me now.

"Of course," he adds, his congenial tone catching my attention and I my eyes connect to his. "Once I am one-hundred percent sure that Light-kun is not Kira, I may be inclined to frequent Japan."

My heart skips a beat, and I try to snuff the hope that builds. All the information gathered about the previous Kira points to me. He will never be one-hundred percent sure, and I tell him so.

He moves closer, as his lips brush mine, he speaks: "Perhaps I can be persuaded, if Kira disappears after we catch him." My mind is reeling as his lips lock onto mine and he pushes me to the nearest wall, hands groping and pulling at my clothes. My mind races back to our first physical encounter. L will do anything to get a confession, despite the immorality of his means.

L is too stubborn to be convinced of my innocence. He's only saying this so that I will give myself over to him. And I want to. I want to not care about what will happen and take what I can before it is gone. I inhale deeply and put my hands to his chest. Not this time. I am _not_ his toy.

_oOoOo_

_The next day_

_L pov_

oOoOo

I don't understand.

If Light were working in conjunction with Yotsuba he would have to contact them somehow. But he's never alone. True I take off the chain in our private room, only because he cannot leave on his own and the only private place is the bathroom. Even that is not truly private. I know the exact places within that cannot be seen from the bed, where we frequent, but I have yet to see him in those spots. Having been so intimate with him I would have found any way for him to communicate. On top of that he should be showing some sign of stress, or at least trying to derail the case. But he just sits there calmly reading his book.

I lean my head down over my knees to get a better look at his face. His eyes move quickly back and forth, he's only reading. They flick up to mine, and we watch each other for a long terse moment, then they return to his book. So it must be true then, Kira's powers _can_ pass from person to person and Light Yagami must not remember being Kira. All of the evidence points to him, yet it's all inconclusive. He's made it look like I want him to be Kira, so now unless I find concrete evidence no one will be willing to convict him. But first we must find the current Kira. A soft, smooth brush to my face brings me out of my thoughts. This is becoming dangerous, I am getting too comfortable around him. He places his book on the coffee table and then slides closer to me. My heart beat speeds up; this is a first.

"You know I told my Dad we would take it easy today."

"Yes, I know. That is why you are reading and not working." He gives me an irritable smirk and cocks his head. His hair falls in his eyes and I fight the urge to push it away. I've already unintentionally hurt him and yet here he is opening himself up for it again. I wonder if he even realizes he's doing it.

"You're not relaxing though," he replies, voice like honeyed idolization. I close my eyes momentarily, reminding myself who the boy is and why I must remain aloof.

"That's true," I reply, after my control has been restored. "I don't see how I can relax considering the investigation we're about to start." He grins at me wantonly and I silently curse his subtle, sensuality.

"Oh, well I can help you out there," he murmurs, and accomplishes his task with soft lips and persistent hands.

_oOoOo_

_End L pov_

_3 days later_ _(After Weddie installs spyware at Yotsuba)_

oOoOo

Everyone else has gone to bed, it is only him and me. The room is dark except for the light from the screens showing us Misa's rooms.

She's asleep, snuggled in her bed. We won't be relieved from watching her until early morning, then we'll be given a few hours to nap and we'll return back here to continue the investigation.

"Are you still awake?"

"Yes."

"Are you tired at all?" I meet his gaze, noting the concern in his face. "We could move to the sofa if you need to rest."

I don't know what to think of him anymore. He's still suspicious of me being Kira, but I can't blame him anymore. If it weren't for the fact that I know I'm not Kira I would have the same suspicions. Yet he still says things like this, and catches me off guard. Normally I would distance myself from someone who affects me the way he does, and with such a varied array of sentiments, but that's not currently a possibility. And if given the option, I don't know if I would take it. I am lost when it comes to him; lost in my own emotions and his enigmatic mind.

"That sounds fine." He nods and we walk towards the couch. We turn it to face the monitors and then he's sitting in his crouch. I sit next to him, leaning into him, laying my head on his arm. He stiffens for a moment, then leans into the back of couch, allowing one foot to touch the floor, the other still remaining on the couch, allowing my head to rest on his shoulder. The contentment I feel is mellowing.

"I don't know what to make of you anymore, Light-kun." His voice is soft and weary. I look up at him, he's still watching the monitors. Watching Misa sleep. "You know I think you're the original Kira, yet you continue to let me take advantage of you." I don't want to hear this again. I lean into him and lightly graze his neck with my lips. "Light-kun, stop." I frown at this and sit up.

"If I were Kira I would know. And I wouldn't have allowed myself to be put in this situation. Yet here I am," I say exasperatedly. Our eyes lock in a silent battle of wills. He gives in first with a sigh, turning his eyes back to the monitors.

"Perhaps you don't remember being Kira." I huff at this.

"Even if that were the case, the fact remains that right now," I lean closer, he does not pull away, "I am Light Yagami." I grip and chin and turn his face to him and brush his lips with mine and he returns the gentle kiss. I tremble slightly at the tenderness. The kiss awakens something in me and I moan against his mouth.

"You have to stop Light-kun. Anyone can walk in and if we are caught-" I catch his lips again and violate his mouth with my tongue. He gasps and allows me to take control. When we break he is watching me with wide, surprised eyes.

"Then what?" I question him. "Will you have me chained to someone else? Aizawa-san or Mogi-san? Or perhaps Matsuda-san?" I hum in thought, throwing a leg over his and straddling him while kissing him intensely again. "Yes, I think it should be Matsuda-san. I could convince him to do almost anything." I grin roguishly at him and watch as his expression changes. His brow narrows and I can see the muscles of his jaw working as he grinds his teeth. I laugh softly. "Would that make you jealous, Ryuzaki?" I whisper in his ear, catching his lobe between my teeth and nibbling gently.

He remains silent, refusing to meet my eyes, focusing solely on the monitors. When he remains this way I return to my previous position, head on his shoulder.

"I was only playing, Ryuzaki," I inform him. "I didn't mean to upset you. Besides, Matsuda's wit could never match yours." He hums, quick and sharp, but says nothing else. I sigh dejectedly, but stay, curled against his side. He slips an arm around me, and I let a small smile curve my lips.

"Uh… L-Light-kun? Ryuzaki?"

"Hmm?" I mumble, I'm not sure when I fell asleep. I open my eyes blearily, and look up into soft, brown eyes. It's only Matsuda, I begin to fall back to sleep. "Matsuda-san?!" I yelp, eyes snapping open and meeting Matsuda's, as I realize that I'm not dreaming. L stiffens next to me, and I realize that he must have fallen asleep as well. I quickly pull away from him.

"You're early, Matsuda-san," L says, his voice controlled and neutral.

"Uh… yeah," Matsuda looks away, his cheeks slightly reddened. "I wanted to take initiative and start work early." He looks back to us suddenly, his expression first confused and then cheery. "Does this mean you no longer suspect Light-kun to be Kira?"

"Yagami-kun is most definitely not the current Kira," L states. Disappointment sweeps through me. He still has to specify… I push my feelings aside and stand, stretching my arms as far above my head as the chain will allow.

Matsuda's face brightens more so and he nods enthusiastically.

"Okay, great!"

"Matsuda-san," L's voice is stern and Matsuda quickly sobers.

"Please keep this to yourself," he motions to me. "I do not wish for anyone else to know." Matsuda nods eagerly.

"Yes, yes of course! I can relieve you now, if you'd like." L is silent for a moment, pulling on his lip in thought. He sighs softly.

"Yes, that should be fine."

After we've entered our room and have laid down, limbs tangled as we normally are, I ask:

"Do you think he'll tell anyone?" L is silent, fingers gently caressing the skin of my hip. It's become his new habit when he's deep in thought.

"No, Matsuda-san is loyal to a fault. I don't know if it will even cross his mind that you are still a suspect." A gentle nip to the back of my neck. "Sleep now, we have a long day ahead of us."

TBC

A/N: I know, I know, why would Matsuda of ALL people find them? But through the entire series he so desperately wanted to believe in Light's innocence. So… I decided to make this one of the reasons why. =)

It's seems like they got close in too short a time... but I don't really want to come up with all the little things that go on btwn them in the time lapse. Sorry, not very motivated in that area.


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: You know it turns out that I loved the first chapter and kinda wish I'd left this a one-shot. Oh well.

Lemon warning.

Chapter 5

_About a week later_

I watch him, hunched over his computer. He's avoiding my gaze. He knows what he's done. I continue to watch him, refusing to turn away. He must confront me or else I don't know what I'll do.

He thinks I am capable of mass murder. Sees me as such a despicable human being. Why then has he dragged me through this? Has he twisted my emotions like this for his own fun? Or was this really only physical for him?

He did admit in the beginning that he wanted me for sex. And he's never said anything to contest that idea. These feelings are my own fault. I draw my feet up to the couch and wrap my arms around my knees. My thoughts spiral away from me, becoming vague half-thoughts, too hazy to focus on. The only thought sticking out is the one I wish I could crush.

_I want L._

The silence grows and stretches and seems to cover me in its angry resonation. I'm not sure how long I've been watching him now, or how long he's been avoiding me. I can tell the tension has grown too thick for him to bear, because his fingers are no longer moving over the keyboard.

"Why do you continue assuming I'm Kira?" my voice, barely more than a whisper, cracks through the silence.

"There is no one else it could be," he replies, his voice monotonous.

"But you're not sure." This time he closes his eyes, as though blocking out the conversation, but he knows I will persist until answered. I feel a smirk pulling at the corners of my mouth, finally the tables are turning and it's him that wishes to escape this continuous, disjointed discussion.

"I have no physical proof, if that is what you mean."

"It's not." Silence again. "Do you trust me at all?" Now he's closing his laptop and placing it on the couch next to him, but he does not move again.

"I am very conflicted," he says finally, and his black eyes meet mine. He searches my face, and I do my best to hide my pain. He looks away from me, eyes glazing over as he thinks. I want to comfort him. To step over the table that separates us, wrap my arms around him and whisper that once this is all over we will be in peace together. But that is not the truth.

"Ryuzaki."

"Hm?"

"I am not Kira." He smiles, but it is weak and inconsolable.

"I wish to believe that Light-kun." And the tone of his voice hurts even more than my own pain.

It's hours later when he speaks again and I can hear the hesitation in his voice.

"You care quite a bit about Misa."

"About Misa's safety," I correct him. "And why shouldn't I? She's innocent in all of this. You've taken advantage of her feelings for me and gotten her to agree to something she doesn't understand."

"I think she understands just fine," he counters, and I note a hint of a challenge in his voice.

"Just because she says she understands her life is as risk doesn't mean she truly grasps the severity of the situation," I snap. He is silent again. "Ryuzaki?" I wait until I have his full attention, "are you jealous?"

"Jealous?" His large eyes blink at me, but I can make out no discernable intent behind them.

"You don't have to be, you know." He continues to watch me in silence. I change the subject. "I'm still upset about what you said, and in front of everyone. I thought we were past that. Sometimes you're like a broken record."

"Would you like me to make it up to you?" his voice suddenly molten.

"I-ah…" and he slides off of the couch across from me. I scan the room quickly, we're alone. My eyes shift back to Ryuzaki, he's kneeling between my legs, his hands sliding up my thighs. "You think sex will make up for it? Just like that?" I try to keep my voice down, I am livid, he thinks it's so easy to placate me. But the sight of one of the world's best detectives kneeling between my legs is so exquisite. He nuzzles my budding arousal and when he speaks I shudder.

"Then we can be violent with each other." When he unzips my pants and pulls my hardness into my mouth I grab fistfuls of hair and am unrelenting. I thrust into his mouth, hard and deep, he gags around me repeatedly. The constriction of his throat feels wonderful. He grips the base of my member to keep it from happening again. I don't like this, I was enjoying the sounds of his helplessness. I tighten my hands in his hair and use his mouth as my own personal sex toy. My lust, amplified by my anger, doesn't allow me to hold out as long as I'd like. I throw my head back and let my mouth fall open in a silent scream as I climax. His head bobs a few time, causing me to shudder uncontrollably.

Suddenly his mouth is on mine and the kiss is hard and vicious. He thrusts his tongue in my mouth and I can taste myself on him. Then he's kissing and biting down my neck, I wonder vaguely if he's leaving marks. He latches onto the area where neck and shoulder join. I cry out hips thrusting, involuntarily. I feel like a delectable, rare sweet and he's savoring every bite.

His fingers fumble at his belt and the button of his pants. This only furthers my arousal. He's never had trouble like this before. I've unraveled him, the infamous L, one of the world's three most highly regarded detectives. I pant and lay my head against the couch, watching him with half-lidded eyes and a cruel smirk.

He glances up and catches my eyes with his, and they narrow. Suddenly I'm on my knees, on the floor, my chest resting against the couch, and he's wrapped the chain around my free wrist, and is holding it tight.

"What so humorous, Yagami-kun?" he pants into my ear. He's trying to remain aloof, but I can feel his arousal through his pants pushing into my backside. He bites the back of my neck and I gasp. "Answer me." Another bite, this one harder, more painful, possibly drawing blood. Something about his response is so very satisfying.

"Look at you," my tone derisive, "falling all over yourself. All to be inside of the man you claim is Kira." The chain around my wrist tightens and my hand begins to tingle from the lack of blood flow. "Does is excite you to dominate me again and again? Who's the real psychopath?" I question, laughing cruelly at him.

He doesn't warn me, barely even prepares himself. I hear the sound of spit and then he's pushing into me. I pant hard, knowing to expect pain. As he pushes I can feel muscles stretching and ripping. It's the most horrendous, excruciating moments of my life. And then he's seated inside me and the pain dulls, but it's only momentary.

Every thrust is pain, like sandpaper grinding within me. I can barely keep from screaming. The hand that isn't holding the chain snakes around to my front and begins to pump my waning arousal. I do my best to focus on his hand. His thrusts become more fluid and the pain begins to dissipate as his pre-cum lubricates me. I'm not sure when I began mewling with pleasure and pushing back into his forceful thrusts.

My mind is a fuzzy mess and all I can do is feel. My mouth lolls open and soft guttural moans rise from my chest. "Ah," I whimper when I feel spurts of heat within me as he climaxes, and I can feel his hand increasing in pace. I lean back into him, thrusting myself on his hardness before it fades. He bites my shoulder, hard, and this is all it takes to push me over the edge.

I slump against the couch and he slumps against me. We are both sweaty and sated. My eye lids are heavy and I want nothing more than to sleep. The indignation from before like a distant memory. I begin to drift away when I have a sudden realization.

"Ryuzaki."

"Hn?" he questions.

"Do you think anyone heard us?" He curses against my back and stands, pulling his jeans up from where they had collected around his knees. I barely manage to pull my pants on, one hand useless and limp from the restriction of blood flow. I'll have to wait for feeling to return before I can properly fasten my belt and pants.

_oOoOo_

_Two days later (after Misa has exposed Higuchi)_

_oOoOo_

It seems that Misa has agitated him. Since her request for me to sleep with her L continually glances in my direction as though I am going to take her offer. Surely he doesn't think me that shallow? He stands and I follow suit, following him silently. We enter the bathroom and shut the door. I face the door, waiting for L's signal that it's safe to turn around. When I don't hear anything I peek over my shoulder. He's just standing there, watching me. I turn to him and cross my arms.

"What do you want, Ryuzaki?" He still says nothing and I sigh irritably. Then suddenly he's tugging on the chain, I'm caught off guard and am propelled to him. I stumble into his waiting arms. Our noses nearly touching, I need only tilt my head and ever so slightly lean forward and… We stay this way, staring, fixated with one another.

"We have to stop this, Light-kun."

"What?"

"This… affair we've started, we need to stop it. You are my suspect, not my partner. We need to stop this before either of us is hurt anymore."

He can't be serious, but his eyes are reserved. And I can't stop the wetness I feel beginning to cloud my vision. It rolls forth from my eye unhindered and uninvited. I don't want to do this in front of him. I pull away from him, pushing the emotions to the back of my mind. But my hands still tremble.

He turns away from me, hands in his pockets, allowing me the barest privacy to pull myself together. I breathe a shuddering breath and then force a wall between my rational mind and my emotional. It's ill-fitting having been in disuse so long, and I'm sure it will take weeks to get used to. But for the meantime it will do. When we leave the bathroom I am unruffled.

"Matsuda-san, are you prepared?"

"Yes, Ryuzaki!" L nods.

"Then tomorrow evening we'll be initiating the plan." I'm relieved. Once we apprehend Higuchi it will be clear to everyone.

I am _not_ Kira.

_Kira_

I feel like an idiot, being used so easily by L. He may as well have had me wrapped around his little finger. It's despicable, my behavior as well. No better than Misa. All for _love_.

Maybe if it had actually been love we shared I wouldn't be so eager for his death. I'm being childish, wishing for his death because he hurt my feelings. Of course it's not the only reason, his death will allow me the freedom to change the world. He's the only one in my way and once he's gone it will be all too easy.

Yes, just a while longer. A couple days at most. Lightening splits the sky and I see a pillar of darkness against the light. I walk closer to the window and squint. It's L. I should leave and let him have his last days in solitude. But there's a nagging at the back of my mind. I inhale deeply and push open the door, standing under the overhang out of the rain.

"What are you doing standing out there by yourself?" he blinks at the sound and turns to look at me. Then holds his hand to his ear. I cup my hand to my mouth, raise my voice and repeat the question. This time when he signals he hasn't heard he gives me a playful smile. A lure to step out into the rain with him. I briefly consider leaving him to himself. Instead I trudge out into the rain, stopping only when I'm an arms reach from him.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?" He looks away.

"I'm not doing anything in particular. It's just. . . I can hear the bells."

"Bells?"

"Yes the sound of the bells have been unusually loud today," his voice sounds almost wistful. I try to listen, but all I can hear is the pitter patter of the rain.

"I don't hear anything."

"Really you can't hear it? It's been ringing nonstop all day. I find it very distracting. I wonder if it's a church; maybe a wedding or perhaps a… " he trails off, but there's no need for him to finish his sentence.

"What are you talking about Ryuzaki? Come on, lets get back inside."

"I'm sorry," he looks away again and hunches his shoulders, "I'm distant in my relationships to everyone. I don't trust anyone either." Where is he going with this?

He's silent, his eyes downcast and I take a moment to truly see him. He's soaked, and his expression so downtrodden it pulls at my heartstrings. I ignore it, I want to be angry with him.

"That's true. You try not to get involved in relationships. If it's something that you can't understand, you shouldn't get involved in the first place. I know that better than anyone."

"Yes, I would say that's a fair assessment… but I could say the same about you."

"Hm, what's that supposed to mean?" He meets my gaze steadily.

"Tell me Light-kun, from the moment you were born has there ever been a point where you actually told the truth?" For a moment I'm shocked, but his eyes are sending a challenge. What does he think? That I'm going to forgive him now that we've had this heart to heart. Or is it about us at all? Does he expect me to confess? Wouldn't that be perfect, to have your ex-lover confess to you in the rain out of love. Well he'll be sorely disappointed then.

"Were is this coming from? I do admit I stretch the truth here and there, but, find me one person in this world who has never told a lie. Human beings aren't perfect, everybody lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that hurt my loved ones. That's my answer."

"I had a feeling you would say something like that."

"Let's go back inside. We're both drenched."

"Yeah."

_oOoOo Inside_

"Well that was certainly a pleasant outing," I can hear the humor in his tone. But I'm not in the joking mood.

"It's your own fault. What did you expect would happen?"

"You're right. Sorry," he sounds crestfallen. He keeps apologizing. It isn't like him and I find it worrisome. I continue toweling my hair. He kneels at my feet and I look at him, expecting him to speak. Instead he picks up my foot.

"What are you doing?" I barely manage to keep from yelping in surprise.

"I thought I might help you. You were busy drying yourself off anyway."

"Look, it's fine you don't have to do that," I don't want him to touch me. It's bad enough that I have to deal with all these lingering emotions. His cool hands on my feet make my skin itch for more.

"I can give you a massage as well. It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm actually pretty good at it." Atone for his sins? Is this his idea of an apology? I'm prepared to say no, but when I look into his eyes something deep within me twinges and yields.

"Fine do what you want."

"Alright," he begins to rub my feet, using the towel to dry off my skin. His thumb digs into the arch of my foot and I gasp in pain.

"Hey!"

"You'll get used to it," and while the words are callous his tone is gentle. My anger is quickly dissipating, this only serves to irritate me. It shouldn't be so easy for him to pacify me.

Cold, wet droplets of water bring my attention back to my foot. He's still soaking wet, didn't even take time to dry himself properly. Through my anger I feel empathy. So it was an apology. I reach for my discarded towel and gently pat the hair plastered to his forehead.

"Here you're still soaked."

"I'm sorry," I'm bothered again by his apology. We are silent for a long moment, stuck in our own thoughts. As is usual of late, all of my thoughts pertain to him.

Now that he's apologized can I forgive him? Can I let Kira disappear? Do I want to continue with my plan? Things will never be the same between us, no matter what path I take. Once he knows the truth with one-hundred percent certainty I will always be Kira to him. I can never be Light Yagami in his eyes again.

"It'll be lonely won't it?"

"Huh?" his words catch me off guard.

"You and I will be parting ways soon." Does he know? Before I can formulate a reply his phone begins ringing. He answers it and I am left with my thoughts. My heart beat speeds up as I try to decide my course of action. What do I choose? Do I at least try to salvage whatever charade of a relationship we had, or do I let him walk blindly off the bluff.

"Come on let's go Light. It seems like it's all worked out," he stands and turns to leave.

"Wait, L," he stops abruptly at the use of his name. I take this momentary lapse to grab at his arm and pull him back to where I sit. He stumbles obligingly. "Please, just… just sit here with me a little longer."

"Light-kun," my name is murmured like a prayer, and it causes a chill to race down my back. I must choose my path, and I must choose it now. I look up into his eyes. Eyes that have seen me in a way no one else has.

"Ryuzaki…"

_I am forever losing to him._

_In the process of writing one more part. But I really like this as an ending._


	6. Chapter 6

_I had a horrible, horrible time with this one! I think I started over 3 or 4 times. I appreciate everyone that reviewed!_

Chapter 6

"I'm Kira," his voice is soft and unsure. His eyes watch me, waiting for my reaction.

Honestly I am not surprised. I've always known where the evidence points. Building an emotional attachment to the suspect, that was my own blunder. The way he trembled in my arms and the slip in his control; it was absolutely addictive. What made it more so was knowing it was Kira who was submitting to me.

"I know." He stares at me silently, no more surprised than I was.

"You will die," he turns his eyes away.

"It's to be expected. Everyone dies eventually."

He chuckles darkly.

"No Ryuzaki, you will die in a few days, if you're lucky." My eyes widen without my consent. I had already assessed he would have a plan for this, but I had thought I'd have the notebook's powers confirmed before his plan could come to fruition.

"So, Light-kun, this was your true goal all along. Was there ever a moment of sincerity?" I suppose I would deserve it if there weren't any, considering I did the same to him.

Light smiles regretfully, eyes avoiding me.

"Too many to count," he says softly. "Why else would I be here like this now?" When his eyes finally do find mine I can see his inner turmoil has been resolved. "I don't want you to die anymore, Ryuzaki... L."

oOoOo

"I've done everything you've asked. What more can I possibly do?" he's angry. His eyes burn bright with something akin to hatred. "I've manipulated Misa to do my will. I've given you the only other death note I'm aware of. For Heaven's sake I've even broken the poor girl's heart! All for you. If that doesn't merit some kind of trust then I don't know what will."

The only thing left is for him to forfeit the death notes and his memory. Just as he had in his confinement. I wonder what he'll remember of this day.

"Forfeit them." It's all I have to say. He glares up at me spitefully.

"You won't give me an answer first?"

"Light-kun," and just in the way I say his name he knows the answer. I don't need to continue, but I will because we both need to hear it. "Light Yagami is Kira, and I cannot trust Kira. Even though you saved my life, it was still you who developed and executed the plan." I reach out, gently lifting his chin. His eyes are shining with anger and unshed tears. "Love, cannot exist without trust. At least not the kind of love that leads two people to share their lives with each other."

"What kind of love can it lead to?" he asks softly. And at the sound of his voice, and his pitiful expression I realize:

I have broken him.

He wants nothing more than to be with me, no matter how I treat him. It's a horrific sort of power that rushes through me. To think I could convince him to stay with me for the sole purpose of fulfilling my sexual desires. It's a dream I want to see realized. I want to have him around, I enjoy his company, I can only think of how fulfilled my life would _seem_.

Is this what is considered love? I hook my arm around his waist and pull him closer. He gasps softly and I catch his lips with mine. He pulls away and I fist his hair. He breathes a soft moan and gives into me allowing me to take control of the kiss. I had always thought of love as something that was slowly cultivated, taking many long years of work to perfect. This fire that I feeling burning within me now is only physical. I break the kiss and give him his answer.

"I believe, a more accurate term would be lust. I lust for you, Light Yagami, but I do not and will not love you."

I can see his heartbreaking before my eyes, anger builds in his eyes as they narrow in a very calculating fashion. For a moment I'm fearful he'll refuse me and try to continue on as Kira.

"I forfeit everything," he breathes suddenly, and I can't help but watch fascinated as his rage transforms into tear filled eyes. It only takes a moment and then Kira is gone, and only Light Yagami is left. As soon as it happens his face turns away and I can see his shoulders shake in silent sobs.

oOoOo

I dig my fingers into his hips, holding him tightly, guiding his thrusts, faster, harder. His soft, tight, wet, heat enveloping me and casting all thoughts from my mind. All I can do is watch him, straddling my hips, hands in his own hair as he moans wildly. He doesn't use my alias now, instead opting to moan '_L'_ over and over again until it sounds like one continuous stream.

Tears still stain his cheeks and continue to flow periodically. Presumably every time his sex-addled brain starts working and he realizes this will be our last time together. Watching him like this, it's possibly the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. For the first time it feels like we're lovers. Funny how things work out.

Afterwards he lays on me, with his head on my chest. His tears have stopped and we're both reluctant to end this moment. I run my fingers through his hair, and he releases a soft sigh against my chest.

If I stay here in Japan I may, in a moment of weakness, seek him out. And though he poses a minimal risk, without the death note and his memories, he is still a threat.

In that case there is only one thing for it. I will have to leave soon. Tonight is best.

He can feel my anxiety and sits up to look at me.

I think it is his eyes I will miss the most, or perhaps it's his intellect, my eyes trail over his body. No, I will miss everything about him.

This is right though, this is just. Actually, it makes perfect sense that both of us should suffer from this. He can't get away from all of this unscathed, after all, it is only proper that I should be the one to punish him. And since I am the one releasing him from certain death, it only makes sense that I should suffer as well.

I can see the question in his eyes. I don't want him to ask. I don't want to hurt him with my answer. I don't want to see tears in his eyes again. I reach up and gently cup his cheek, and it's of no use as his eyes glaze over with tears anyway. He makes a face, clearly trying to overcome his emotions. He leans down and we kiss, it's deep and sensual and nothing like we've shared before. When we break away he's the one to gently stroke my face watching me, studying me. Then soundlessly he rolls off of me, and I begin finding my clothing and dressing myself. When I am done I see him fully dressed, staring down at his hands as though they can give him the answers he seeks.

He looks up at me and our eyes meet. He pleads silently again, not willing to break his pride by speaking the words. The answer will be the same regardless.

When I leave I don't look back.

oOoOo

_Light Pov_

_(3 years later)_

oOoOo

It's late, Sayu and Dad have gone to bed. Mom and I are the only ones awake, she sits across from me at the dining room table. She knows what I am going to say, I can see it in the way she purses her lips with worry. I sigh about to begin, and she gasps deeply to steady her nerves.

"I have my degree," I say, watching her carefully. She nods, and when she lifts her head she avoids my eyes. "I kept my word. Now I'm going to do what I need to do." She nods again.

"I wish you wouldn't," her voice waivers and she stops. She inhales slowly, closes her eyes, and continues. "You deserve better. Someone to love you and take care of you. Someone you have equal ground with." I reach out and place my hand over one of hers. I wish I could tell her everything. The truth about my time away, but I don't think I could bear to see that kind of disappointment on her face.

I don't remember being Kira or using whatever kind of murder weapon L found, but even I have to admit that the evidence points to me. The reason I've come to believe it is because of Raye Penber and Naomi Misora. I remember them, vaguely, but it's a remembrance nonetheless. I told L that I was Kira and he let me go. I can only come to the conclusion that L's feelings for me must have been much stronger than I had thought.

"Give it more time," she says suddenly. "Give it another year, go out and have fun. Meet new people, start a new relationship, a career." Her tears begin to slacken and her voice becomes more energetic. I try to smile at her.

"I did what I promised, and now I want to _try_. If-If it doesn't work then I'll stop." She nods, looking a little more relieved than she did previously. She desperately wants to believe my lie. We've had this conversation time and time again and every time she managed to push it out a month, then months, then years. But she can no longer push. I don't begrudge her, she's only being a mother.

"I just wanted to let you know," I tell her. She smiles sadly. I pat her hand once and then leave to my room. She's the only person I've ever told about my clandestine relationship with L.

I've done what I could to forget him. I delved into my school work with a newfound devotion. I dated numerous people, gone to bed with twice as many. No one compares to him. Perhaps it is because he was my first or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Either way I know what I want.

If L will not come back for me, then I will go to him. I had, at first, thought I was simply being weak, wanting to be with him again. But now I understand. L is incapable of being my knight in shining armor, so I will have to be his.

The reality of the situation is I've already contacted Eraldo Coil and received a reply.

I step into my immaculate room, eyes quickly finding my suitcase. I turn out the lights and sit on my bed watching the thin line of light from beneath my door. I don't have to wait long for the shadow of my mother passing to block out the light and then the hall light turns off. I wait a few minutes and then stand with my suitcase in hand. I don't know when I'll be back, I don't know what will happen. But I do know this:

I want L, and somehow, I'll get him.

end

_A/N: I'm not very good with happy endings (actually I'm terrible at them.) I didn't want to make Light sound like a victim going back into an abusive relationship... It's hard though... Emotions suck! XP Well I hope you all liked it anyway!_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Here's your fluff

Epilogue

The sky is cerulean blue and littered with white cumulus clouds. The perfect spring day, the weather is warm and the gentle breeze is perfect. I close my eyes for a moment and just imagine sitting here with him. Enjoying this perfect moment with the one I left behind. I sigh and try to push the thought away, looking back to the sky.

I hate being away from my work. It leaves me to my own devices and as of late that has generally been daydreaming of him.

It's a useless tool really, daydreaming. Most of the time daydreams, mine at least, leave me with nothing but sadness and regret. The same as my dreams. Cruel dreams of his reflective brown eyes full of devotion and trust. Even after years of separation I still dream of him. After several, purely sexual, encounters I still ache for him.

'The one that got away.' By my own doing no less.

I hear the soft footfalls of someone approaching moments before the creak of the worn wooden bench I'm inhabiting.

I wonder who it is? I should look, but the sky is so beautiful today. Does it really matter why they are here even if it is to do me bodily harm? I have successors to take my place should the need arise. I can't shake my curiosity, which could very well be what will end me.

I can't do it, I need to see.

His hair is longer than I remember, not quite brushing his shoulders, still just as impeccable.

Oh, no. When did I become delusional? Have I really deteriorated so much to be seeing things? My heart beats strongly in my throat and makes it hard to swallow.

"Nice day," his voice is deeper, not by much, just enough to notice. I probably shouldn't speak; it's always strange to see someone talking to themselves. But if he is real it would be impolite to say nothing.

"Yes," I say, making sure it sounds as though I am speaking to myself. My thumb rests between my lips and I look back to the sky.

Every one of Light's features is ingrained in my mind, from the small mole on his left shoulder blade to the childhood scars on his knees. Why doesn't my hallucination look and sound like my memory of Light?

"I've been waiting for you."

Instantly my gaze is fixed on him and the first thing I see are his honey-brown eyes, half hidden by auburn hair, watching me. There's so _much_ of him in them. It's as if he's baring his soul to me. I don't want to see him like this. This is how he always was, even as I was breaking his heart. I won't be able to resist the temptation, I don't want this right now.

"Watari told me you would be here," my figment Light explains. It is strange though, Watari has been in none of my daydreams before now. I turn my gaze back to the sky, I don't wish to see those eyes nor the soul reflecting through them.

The silence builds, stretches, and settles.

"Ryuzaki, please look at me."

No. I will not. He's not real. If I just keep watching the sky will he leave me be?

"L," a soft whisper on his lips and then his gentle fingers brush my hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear. "Speak to me," a soft plea.

"It's generally considered taboo to talk to oneself aloud," I inform him. Silence follows my statement. Is that all it took for the figment to disappear? I look again.

No such luck.

His brows are furrowed, one higher than the other, watching me with a bewilderment I don't know if I've ever seen on his face before.

His shoulders shake with his deep sudden breaths and at first I think they are sobs, but their timing quickly grows closer until Light begin outright laughing me. The last thing I had been expecting was for him to laugh at me. In fact he laughed like this so infrequently in our time together that I'm not sure I would have remembered the sound. Almost as quickly as the laugh built up it begins to fade and he smiles at me. It's the smile he reserves only for me. It's exactly how I remember.

"Watari did not inform me," I tell him.

"Hm, strange," he replies, continuing to watch me, a soft smile curving the corners of his lips. His tongue darts out to gently stroke his bottom lip and I cannot take my eyes off the lithe muscle and desirable lips. It does not escape his notice.

"Would you like to go somewhere? Just the two of us," his voice is a low purr.

Yes.

"That would not be wise. Light-kun, you have not changed at all," I inform him with a disapproving scowl. "Your efforts are all for naught if you came all this way to try to get into bed with me," I inform him. He shrugs unashamed.

"I'm merely willing to do whatever it takes to get you to listen to me."

"I have always listened to you," I tell him.

"I know. You just don't like to listen when it really matters. You can be so stubborn."

"Hm," I agree without words and turn my eyes back to the sky.

This is my fatal mistake.

In one swift movement Light is in front of me, hands cupping my face and his lips are on mine. We kiss slowly, lips moving languidly in a familiar dance. Lips yield and I feel his supple tongue against mine. I don't notice when my feet slip off the bench or when he crawls astride my lap. All I know is when we break our kiss Light is in my lap and his hands are buried in my hair, cradling my head, and my arms are wrapped around him holding him close.

It suddenly doesn't matter if he is a hallucination. I want him in my bed naked, aroused and pleading. I want him in my kitchen in the morning, sharing a morning cup of coffee and snuggled up to me at night. It doesn't matter that Light had been Kira because _I want him_.

He dips his head again and we share another slow, passionate kiss.

I am a junkie and Light is my fix.

"_Get a room_!" and I remember where I am. I push at him and he quickly slides off my lap.

"I'm sorry, I forgot," he apologizes and sits next to me. I nod in acceptance and glance at the child that yelled at us. At least now I no longer have to worry about him not being real.

"Perhaps we _should_ move to somewhere more private," I say thoughtfully and stand.

"Wait," he says and I obey. "I want to talk about us first."

"There is no 'us,' Light-kun," I inform him automatically while climbing back into my sitting crouch next to him. An offended and pained look flashes across his face and I regret my choice of words instantly.

"There could be," he offers, almost a whisper. I open my mouth to speak and he cuts me off. "And don't give me that 'I can't trust you,' shit either," practically snarled at me.

"I wasn't" I inform him with an amused smirk. It's entertaining to see how quickly his anger transforms to surprise. "I was going to say that either your feelings are very strong to have traveled this far after we've been separated so long, or very misguided."

"As long as I'm happy does it matter what the why is?" Light questions speculatively.

I can't stop myself from baiting him.

"Well, when one starts killing-"

"As it pertains to us," he snaps, then adds as a precaution, "in a romantic relationship."

"As long as you are willing to leave if you stop being happy," I answer. He smiles at me. It's his charming, lying smile.

"Alright, I will," he agrees.

I want to contest this and make him understand how it important it is that he listens to me. But it's not a battle I wish to face right this moment. I will have to save it for later.

"Do you have a room here?" he questions, glancing at the large orphanage behind us.

"I have an office, would Light-kun like a tour?" His half-lidded eyes and seductive smile sends a shudder of arousal through me. He stands and faces me, offering a hand to me. With less than a split second of thought I lay my hand on his and allow him to help me down. His hand is warm and fits mine perfectly.

We walk back to the orphanage in silence, the backs of our hands brushing as we move. I can hardly keep my eyes off of him, I feel as though if I look away too long he'll disappear.

Over the term of my life I've allowed myself a limited list of indulgencies, the most prominent being my consumption of sweets. The only thing that has ever matched said indulgence with such intensity is Light-kun. A dangerous addiction to a man who has the propensity to become just as dangerous given the correct tools. His mind working to the point of predicating even my objectionable methods and actions, which in the end will give him power over me. It's a turn on in so many different ways.

I am just as sick as he is.

oOo

_Light's Pov_

_oOo_

I try not to stare at the young boy, white hair half hiding his large dark eyes.

"Professor Liam," the boy's tone is soft, but confident. My brows raise at the name directed at L and I glance surreptitiously at him.

"Why don't you wait inside, Raito-kun?" my mouth curve upwards without my consent as my name slips from his lips in my native language. I nod and continue towards the large oak door, turning the brushed gold lever handle, slipping him one last glance. His dark eyes meet mine and I feel my heart pound and my stomach twist.

I close the door and lean on it, inhaling the scent of the room deeply and resting against the door for one long moment. I wonder briefly at the ability of a smell to rouse such memories and emotions in me. I make my way through the office, noting the soft carpet large oak desk, and placement of the chairs. Two in front of his desk, one large armchair behind it. The walls proudly displaying various degrees and awards, and I wonder at L's aliases and true education. Would I ever learn what truly lay beyond the man's thickly veiled identity?

Probably not. I was Kira, after all.

I bypass the guest chairs for the large armchair, running my hands over its velvet fabric. Even the chair smelled of him. I close my eyes allowing feelings of anticipation to wash over me. My lips widen in a larger grin as I sit in his chair, slouching down and resting my feet on his pristine desk, crossing them at my ankles. I wonder briefly if L will condone surprise office visits, and clandestine meetings during school hours.

I sigh and rest my elbow on the chair's soft arm and rest my chin on my hand. My thoughts become vague and disordered, visions of our coming encounter causing the knot in my stomach to tighten and my chest restrict. I exhale slowly and close my eyes briefly, savoring the feeling. How I missed this feeling of anticipation.

I bite my lip and allow my unhindered hand to rub my growing arousal, hoping fervently that the boy does not accompany him inside.

Finally the door handle begins to turn, and I rest my hand on my abdomen, awaiting my would-be lover.

"I will look into, Near," I hear him say, his tone barely hiding his impatience. Curious, wide, dark eyes peer around L's hunched form to land on me. I can see curiosity blossoms in them and then the door is shut and I hear the lock click. L's back is to me for a long moment and he finally turns around, his eyes widening marginally as they set on me. He smiles, just barely.

"You," he says softly while approaching me, "look like a god."

"Well," I reply in kind, looking at him through my lashes, "I am Kira." He stops for a moment, his face inscrutable.

"Indeed," he murmurs softly, continuing his short journey slouching against the desk next to my feet. He cocks his head and his eyes rake over my form. "Impeccable, as always," he muses softly.

"My greatest strength," I inform him, lowering my feet to the ground and standing before him. I move closer to him, my face a mere hairsbreadth from his. I feel desire rush through me, the knot in my stomach beginning to feel like molten fire within me. "Surely you remember," I murmur.

"Quite," he replies, unwilling to close the distance between us. I give in to him and close the distance, lips brushing awkwardly against him. I feel him exhale against my lips and suddenly his arms are around my waist, pulling me closer, lips powerful and relentless against mine. Tempting me to give myself over to him. I am unable to resist.

His hair is soft between my fingers. I take the advantage and grip it tightly, pulling hard, plundering his mouth when he gasps in surprise. He fights back in kind, lips and tongue demanding control.

"Clever tempter," he breathes against my mouth.

"Hn," I sound in agreement, gasping when his mouth trails down my neck. Nips turning into bites, kisses into long licks. He leaves a trail of saliva that cools in the air and causes my skin to prickle. "L," I whisper, and he sighs against my throat.

"I've dreamt of your voice, Light," he sighs against my skin, his fingers unbuckling my belt and untucking my shirt and baring my abdomen. His fingers slide up my body.

"I've dreamt of your mouth." He looks up at me, again his face an inscrutable mask. I can feel his fingers push against my skin. His mouth parts, almost imperceptibly, and I can see his breathing quicken at my words. I curve my lips in a confident smirk, watching as his black eyes darken.

Oh yes, L. I've been analyzing our time together. I know the truth behind your advances on me, and the power you felt when you had with Kira under you. Kira begging you.

"Fuck me, L."

oOo

I lean over his desk, fingers clutching the far edge as I push back into his thrusting hips. A constant string of uncontrollable whimpers sound in my throat as his hardness slides in and out of me again and again. My whimpers turn to loud cries of abandonment when his cool finger enclose over my weeping cock. That's all it takes to drive me into my orgasm. Moments later he follows suit, hot fluids spurting into me.

He leans against me, his sweat cool and slick against my back. We both pant heavily, relishing the post-coital tranquility.

Three loud, sharp knocks shatter our peace.

I shoot up so quickly that it causes L to stumble back into the guest chairs toppling them and sending him to the ground. He gives me an incredulous glare and I shrug a silent apology.

He quickly pulls his pants up and I find my own, sliding into them quickly and trying to rub the wrinkles out of my black button-up shirt, but the heat and perspiration from my body has effectively ironed them in. I run my fingers through my sweat dampened hair trying to tame it.

Red catches my eyes, but he's already turning the latch and unbolting the door.

"Wait," I hiss but the door is opened.

I quickly school my expression into one of impassiveness. L's body blocks the view of the person on the other side of the door, which is just as well because it means they cannot see me. I sincerely hope he doesn't invite this third party in because it would mean that somewhere between the door and the chairs the visitor would see L's back. The way L slouched only helped the dotted lines of blood seep through his white shirt more clearly. Then there was the fact that I would need to move from my current potion so that the two could converse, which in turn would mean that the splotch of semen running down the front of L's desk would be clearly visible.

"Hey I just saw Whammy was back and I thought-" The voice stops suddenly and asks incredulously, "Is-is that a bite mark?"

My stomach drops. I'd been so busy straitening myself out I hadn't even thought to examine the places where I had bitten him. There's a long pause.

"Yes, it is," L says in a voice so devoid of any discernable connotation that it's almost a challenge. I can only hope the person on the other side of the door either gives in to the challenge and leaves, or doesn't recognize it for what it is.

"Oh," is the stupefied response and I'm relieved.

"If you'll excuse me, I have something to take care of," and without letting the other get a word in L closes the door.

I sigh with relief and begin looking around the desk for the supplies that had been pushed off in my haste to have L inside of me. I find a box of tissues and pull a few out, wiping up my mess on the front of his desk. When I stand he's crouching on his chair behind the desk watching me with a cool, detached gaze.

"What is it?" I question, walking around his desk and throwing the tissues in a small waste basket. I hop on his desk, sitting in front of his chair. I seek out the bite mark and note its redness, relief flooding me as I see that I had not broken he skin.

"Light, it has been a very long time since we were together. It's not uncommon to begin to have feelings for your captor." I can't believe he's speaking to me about this, I can't hold back the burst of sordid laughter.

"I've been through all of this already," I inform him.

"You have? I always thought Light would be too proud to speak to someone about this," he contemplates aloud.

I shake my head inhaling deeply before explaining.

"Two years after you left Matsuda let slip at a staff party that he'd found us together-"

"Idiot," L mumbles.

"Yes," I agree and continue, "I managed to convince my father that nothing improper had taken place between us. My mother was another story… Eventually I gave in and told her what had happened between us. She chooses to believe that being confined so long with a limited number of people, and all of them being men, that I must have started having feelings for you because you were the closest to me. She begged me to seek help from a professional."

"And you still has feelings towards me?" he questions skeptically.

"Would you rather I didn't?"

"Yes," is his blunt answer. I watch him curiously. Is he really willing to send me away again? I don't know if I could handle that a second time.

"What will it take for me to prove that I love you?" his eyes widened. "What is it?" I ask, I don't believe I've said anything to be so worrying to him.

"You love me," is his stunned reply. I cock my head puzzled.

"Of course, why else would I want to be with you so badly?" I question.

"Because you are confused."

"In love," I correct.

"Obsessed."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," I inform him sliding off the desk.

"Delusional," he counters and I brace myself on the armrests of his chair.

"So be my enabler." I lean closer.

"Addict," L grumbles leaning into the kiss.

"I'll prove it to you," I murmur breaking away.

"Oh? I expect that will take a while," he says in mock thoughtfulness.

"Damn straight."

The End. For real this time.


End file.
